I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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