she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
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decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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