Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Can I color on your dick again?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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