in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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