Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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