You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize