I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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