Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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