well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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