i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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