i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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