Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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