is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize