who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
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George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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