i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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