I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize