New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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