you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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