THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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