i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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