Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize