We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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