I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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