if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize