He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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