you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
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So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What drink are we having for lunch?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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