I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
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I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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