At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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