I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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