You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
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It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
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