I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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