How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize