I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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