Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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