Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
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I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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