I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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