she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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