She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize