Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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