Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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