I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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