We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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