So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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