I think I won the penis lottery.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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