i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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