someone threw a dead crab at me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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