You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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