Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
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I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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