dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
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According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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