just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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