if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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